Medieval Dreams

I wana write a story,

a story in all its glory,

I want there to be knights,

there to be kings and fights,

I want a queen,

A princess,

who is a little mean,
I want monsters

dragons,

ghouls,

gargoyles

and baggonsters! 

I want a life,

in this story of strife

i want it all. 

I wana be a knight,

shining armor alight! 

I want a sun

a moon,

and some stars for fun.

Bloody hell, i want a night sky,

the starry kind,

that makes you go 'sigh'

I want tall green grass

or maybe orange

like in gladiator, in mass,

i want it to sway, 

there to be wind,

lets call it a gale. 

Yes i want it all. 

I wana mount a horse,

not in the dirty sense,

you oaf. 

I wana show me might,

i wana clash and burn with rage, 

I want to rise from ashes, 

i want redemption, revenge, and good intentions. 

I want a halo, or horns, or a tail, 

I want to be special.

I want it all. 

I want a physique,

the medieval kind.

I want a face, 

the serious, purposeful kind,

i want a quest,

the world changing kind,

and i want a reward, 

the feminine kind. 

I want gold,

and riches the like,

i want amulets, rings, and shields that are kites,

i want a sword, 

hell yeah i want a sword. 

i want plate mail, 

a helmet of steel,

some mercenaries, 

maybe a female comrade, 

with zeal! 

I want it all.

The Significant Hand

I am sinking in my mind tonight,

I am sinking and feels like i have died.

But there's this hand thats penetrated this fear,

its come through, and its come near,

this gorgeous, smooth textured manifestation of evolution,

will save me from this drowning, and take me into the clear.

I am rising out of this darkness now,

Its fun, I'm lightheaded, and am proud.

This hand against mine, is like silk.

Its tremendous in its ability to clasp.

This clasping will never release my own,

it will be with me even after its gone,

the feeling, the sensation, is anti-fear,

its beautiful, its absolutely here.

I can feel it in me, within my bones,

its followed by this sensation of flying,

through clouds, through stars,

in places where there is no crying.

Depression is for monkeys,

sinking is for fools,

drowning is the same,

to wallow, to whine, to confuse.

I now reject all of this,

I now reject the idea of it.

To worry is for monkeys,

and for this paragraph,

monkeys are boobs.

I say get up and rejoice,

lift the weight of that expression,

lift the never ending oppression,

lift the weight that is your depression .

be happy, and be clear,

in the face, in the mind, in the hear,

know whats right and what is wrong,

cause in the end, honestly it dont matter,

but more importantly, sing a song.

I have this hand with me now,

its supple, its comfortable, its pure.

Its pink, peachlike, and clean,

and all of it gives it this godlike sheen.

Greek godesses they say,

are more beautiful than any time of day,

the sunset, rise, and noon,

dont matter, cause greek godesses they say,

are just gorgeous, and they are cool.

This hand is godlike,

greek, indian, american, its alright.

Cause it really dont matter,

What matters is,

that the female who owns this hand,

is as of yet, not by my side.

The Insignificant Zombie

I am trying very hard to imagine a world similar to the one i just read about, the reading being this book, 1984. As i sit in my room right now, the tubelights not working, so my surroundings are covered with the yellow that is emitted by the bulb hiding behind this strange lamp i for some strange reason went all the way to god knows where to purchase. This world, i constantly discuss in my head, or bring up in one of my attempts at socialising, i think. I tell people, or more recently i had told a classmate, as we walked towards a place to eat, that one of my biggest fears as a child used to be this notion, or the imagining of a possibility, that i am surrounded by zombies. That I am the only one who is capable of engaging in the process of thinking. Everybody else is not. But then, as happens often with me, i realised, that this truly was not such a frightening thought. But something just hit me 8-10 seconds back, what scares me is not that everybody else is not capable of thinking, no, it is that everybody else refuses to think. What does this mean? Anyways my class mate responded that he would like such a world, as he would have complete power.

So i am walking towards the bus stop now. Its 745am. The footpath is what it is. Yellow and pink that is. Terribly uneven, covered to a significant extent by things that resemble waste. And i am not refering to the impoverished who occupy it. I am not significant enough to refer to anybody as insignificant. Not even myself. There is that public servant cleaning the roads, super effectively. There is that crowd of tourist vehicle drivers doing their thing. And there is that random other building resident walking around and making it’s presence felt in my line of sight. Which i by the way will pan left and right, so as to gather as much information as i, at that point in time hunger for. There by many entities, even the crows who caw, and try to take fish from the fishermen who crowd taxis. I have reached the first and only crossing on my way towards the bus stop. There may be that random vehicle that i will have to give way to, or i may just walk along, constantly trying to maintain a fairly rapid pace. With a spring in my step, i will re-occupy the higher level that is the footpath. So i’m almost there now. The stationary store is on my left. Two actually. One is a corner xerox shop. The other a bigger, less efficient one. One has more or less everything the bigger one has. The bigger one interestingly has a great communicator as its manager, but a terribly forgetful and inefficient one at that. The presence of these two stores located in the manner that they be, allows for some retail politics. I a frequent visitor, but not necessarily a significant turnover contributor, can engage in this kind of politics. I choose the store to go to, whom to reward, whom to punish with my absence. I am the ultimate decider. I can even ensure a purchase in the line of sight of the one being punished. The power i hold is incredible, and makes itself felt everytime a stationary related need emerges.

Now i am at the bus stop. There are many more personilities, such as the utility store men/man, or the tailor/dhobi man sitting next to the tailor/dhobi man tree, there is the chemist store with its multiple personalities right opposite my bus stop. I look and stare at these personalities, who exist. But are they zombies?

I am surrounded by zombies. And i havent entered the bus even. I look at them, carefully. I wonder how to interact when the time comes to interact with these respective personalities, but over the last few years i have understood their response mechanisms. Each zombie has a specific trigger, consisting of a collection of words. The request for medicine followed by a specific amount of currency, or the request for a tube light, or even the ironing of something, or even a ride to a specific destination, all of these if handled in a consistent manner, will result in consistent outcomes. But if you mangle your part, the result can be disastrous. The zombies will eat you alive. They will. There are certain weapons one may employ at the time of such an emergency, but none of them are really effective. One may try to resort to verbal spells which may protect you for temperory periods of time, and allow for a second chance at interacting with the zombie, but this itself requires considerable skill.

Zzzzzz....

Falling down..
and falling more..
i look up..
i hear myself snore..
i look around..
i hear the same sounds..
and then i look down..
and behold..
i am on the ground.

This dream i have..
and having..
has no bases..
has no bearing..
but this falling sensation..
is strangely familliar..
as i've had it before..
when i cannot snore.

Yes when i am awake..
and alive and well..
well behold..
a dark deep well.
Bricks around..
gurgling sounds..
but water there be none..
yes the snoring has begun.

But i am awake again..
and this time.. for sure!
i look around me..
well.. i look some more..
i see nothing..
i see no one..
i see an abyss..
bloody hell.. i think i'm falling.
but this time..
there be no snoring.

so what does this mean..
what may i infer..
is this death..
am i in hell..
but i thought i was alive..
i thought.. i was well.

these bricks surround me..
surround me some more..
claustrophobia astounds me..
these walls have no door..
i seem to be shaken..
i seem to be afraid..
why is this happening..
am i.. insane..

my pants feel wet..
but the well be dry..
my sphincter muscles have failed me..
yet my mouth has gone dry..
i suddenly feel myself rising..
rising out of this bore..
fun behold!
i am back.. outdoors!!
it is all so alluring..
and yet.. i hear myself snoring.

The Ugly, the Ugly and the Ugly.

So im thinking.. the elections between UPA and NDA have resulted in conversations on issues such as - Hindutva, Communalism, Secularism, Development, Human Rights, Religion et all.

i dont understand any of these conversations. I act like i do. I take a side. but the truth is, a few mins later im wondering whether my side is any better. but then.. is it my side? or is it just 'a' side.

eitherways, i think one possible 'problem' is that we judge things on the basis of relativity. We say it is better, and not that it is good. but we've been doing this for so long, that our 'better' is eventually re-labled 'good'. Thus the next time we will have a conversation around that topic, we will say.. they are good. Which has to mean, the other side we are arguing against are bad. Thus we have just defined what is good and bad. bummer.

The congress - and my limited knowledge points at the delhi massacre involving Sindians*.
The bjp - and again, my limited knowledge highlights the gujrat massacre involving Mindians*.

So thus how can we say one is good, and one is bad. I have lately.. actually very lately.. or should i just say.. this very second.. come to the conclusion that maybe we never believed in good and bad. We just use them as labels for what is actually.. 'what i agree with' and 'what i do not agree with'. BUT then.. how can we agree with either. i'm probably not making any sense.. and strangely this may just be the most senseless post on this blog.. as of yet.

But i'd like to end by mentioning a movie i unfortunately could not watch. 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly'.. i think it was called. My guess is.. 'the Ugly' is supposed to imply.. that there is no such thing as good and bad.. everyone is plain UGLY.

U know why i voted for a paticular party.. i thought they were less UGLY. Relativity zindabad!

* yup.. it doesnt really deserve an explanation.

It is okay to be gay

It is okay to be gay

say what you got to say now,
just keep your mind open,
do what u got to do now,
forever and always.

speak what you feel like speaking,
but know what your saying,
cause others maybe listening,
and they might not like what u say!

most people have hearing,
most people have feeling,
many without knowing,
can also be gay.

flowers they may like,
and for men they may fight,
pink may be in,
and with one hole they may sin,
but always remember,
the truth of the day.

We all have desires,
beliefs that start fires,
ideologies we may follow,
change them tomorrow,
but at the end of the day,
it is okay to be gay.

many are illiterate,
many are immature,
many inadequate,
which depresses their very core.

many see reason,
many seek reason,
their beliefs they value,
for they believe they have values.

at a tender age we argue,
we scream and we shout,
haranguing is the word,
for that is, what we are about.

our weapons we muster,
ammunition is a plenty,
mushroom clouds are emerging,
as we seek our prey.

no more we seek reason,
as we believe to have found it,
in the wet eyes of others,
in their whimpers, is our gain.

resistance is futile,
so great is the fury,
the enemy is oneself,
the irony of the day!

but the end is near,
as we seek our victory,
to succumb to our emotions,
be it apathy.

hatred for one and all,
that be the warcry for all,
scream that aloud,
as we lie unprepared for the fall.

fall we will,
fall we must,
blinded by hatred,
blinded by lust.

the end is now,
the sky is covered,
blind people clash,
with the many they once loved.

mistrust is the word now,
the word of the day,
as our mouths lie open,
to the destruction at bay.

we seek for that reason,
the reason we had,
but we fail to find it,
as the crows feast and be gay.